Have you felt like a failure at something? I have. Did you keep going at it, or did you quit? Was is something you could live without anyway... something that just didn't matter in the long run? Or was it something you cared deeply about and wanted to make work, like homeschooling? Some things are just ok to fail at, because hey, there are some things we are just not good at, and aren't supposed to be! But if this something decides your future, or the future of your children, would you stop because you failed once?
Failure is a hard thing to feel. I have failed at making schedules, making plans, staying on task, and even how to teach something. I feel like I failed with helping someone to make an important decision, even though it turned out that they weren't interested in the kind of help I was providing. I have failed at being steadfast with my feelings about things that could've changed events along the way. But...every time there has been one of these failures, there has been another chance; another way to make it different. If I were to fail at playing basketball, I wouldn't try again because my heart isn't in it, I don't have a desire to really play it. It may be the thing to do at the time, but it's not for me. With all of those examples, they were things that I was passionate about, things I had a desire to change or improve upon. They were things that I knew I had to stick with, no matter how many times I failed. It was important.
All layers of homeschool are like that! If you have a heart to do it for your children and that is what you are lead to do, you will get up and try again. If it is the difference between life and death for the souls you are in charge of, you will write up a new schedule once the old one fails. And when you try again, write it again, teach it again, learn it again, or say it again, you are saying to yourself, "My failure is making me a better mom." Because you recognized it and wanted to change it. You felt bad about it, now want to make it good. You did your best but you know there's more. Your children will learn from it and grow from it, as will you.
I have had many failures in my life, and some recently, and I have learned from them. That's what they are for. If we never learn, how are we to grow? Sometimes you have to do something wrong to learn the right way to do it.
So, feel bad for a minute, cry if you must, but get out your paper and start over. A good friend once told me, "It probably won't be how you dream it, but how you make it now can be better than that." Don't let your failures stop you from making your heart happy that you've made a right decision. Take it as a test in school; if you fail, you don't quit the class, you just study extra hard for the next one. Trust me, I know how you feel, but I also know how it feels to get something out of the failure that will enable you to see the better in the future. It's there. Be encouraged that the victories will be there, but don't be afraid to fail first.
"The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed."
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